Our Great Comforter

This short little post is gonna talk about Our Great Comforter. I have a question to ask before we move on to the exciting part. Who is our Great Comforter? How many times do you acknowledge Him? I know that's two questions; But they both kinda point in the same direction. Whenever I get depressed or angry I do have to admit, I don't ask God for help. I know that isn't very smart; but when I am in the dumps I act like a uh-huh. Now let's get to the good part.


You heard that in the Bible God refers to us as sheep, right? Sheep are pretty dumb.That is why they have to have a shepherd. We people are pretty dumb too. Sad, but it is true. We were created to follow and worship God. But since sin entered the world; we have a choice between two gods. Satan and God. Confusing? We can follow God, or follow Satan.

Satan's little herd isn't very pretty. The sheep of his pasture are gaunt and dying. Their eyes are glazed; no sense of life is within them. They want what others have. So they are never satisfied. They walk around as death waits at the door.

On the other hand, God's herd is strong. The sheep of His pasture are strong and satisfied. Their eyes are wide and bright. Life and joy dances around them. They help each other. They frolic around. Joy and peace is with them. Even in the darkest place.

This is a little example.  If I confused you some more, I am sorry. Sorta. Confusion is good. In some ways. It gives your mind something to gnaw at. Mine is usually occupied though. I am usually confused.

Okay, I also want to migrate to depression. That topic is quite popular. Depression is when you feel like no one cares about what you think, say, and do. Yeah... I feel that way quite often. If you are in that situation, I want you to know that God cares. Totally. He knows what is wrong. He listens. He cares about every little cell in your being!!!! He is Our Great Great Comforter!!!! I have a little poem about Depression.
First I want you to know that Depression is a demon. Seriously. He is a demon! He wants to steal your confidence in God! He hates you! He wants YOU to think that everyone else does too.

(This poem will be described below)

Breathe

Arms failing,

Lungs gasping,

Water closes over

My head.

Struggling for air,

An air I can't

Seem to catch.

I am drowning.

I need to breathe.

Heart pounding,

Lungs gasping,

I run to catch

My breath.

Struggling for air,
An air I can't

Seem to catch.

I am running.

I need to breathe.

Panic soars in my heart,

My mind is screaming

"Breathe!"

Struggling for air,

An air I can't

Seem to catch.

I am suffocating.

I need to breathe.

Lost, I am lost.

Afraid, I am afraid.

Dying, I am dying...

It's like a Window.

I see People laughing.

Breathing. Alive.

I try to breathe,

But can't.

I am on the other side. Dying.

I turn to see other like me dying.

Depression weighs

Me down. Like, I am carrying

The world on my shoulders.

Lord, give me another chance.

Please.

My grave can wait awhile.

I don't wan to die just yet,

Breathe! I need to Breathe!

My eyes close,

Heart beats slowly,

Skin turns cold.

"Breathe in me."

I whisper

Breathe in me...

MNJ

Depression kills. He kills you and me. Depression puts thoughts of suicide, sex, stealing, murdering, and other evil things in you. If you give into Depression, he can turn your world around! It won't be straight and clean. But lopsided and dirty. Once you have committed that sin. You can't erase it from your past. It is there. You can't hide it either. There is only one good place for Depression, and it isn't in you. Hell! Depression is not qualified to be in you. He is a worthless, low-down, flea bitten liar! Let Satan have Depression, okay. God didn't make you to house all of Satan's little critters!

I'll name a few demons. How many do you have?

Anger
Depression
Lust
Liar
Cheater
Thief
Murder
Suicide
Self-Hatred
Abortion
Addiction
Rejection
Adultery
Abandonment
Apostasy
Betrayal
Blasphemy
Boasting


Those are just a few. To me a few is quite a bunch! If you haven't figured that out yet!

How many of those do you have? You can look them up if you don't know the meaning.

Here read these:

Bible Quotes for dealing with Depression


The Lord goes before me; He will march with me; He will not fail me or let me go or forsake me; I will fear not, neither become broken in spirit--depressed, dismayed, and unnerved with alarm.
-DEUTERONOMY 31:8


God is my shield, my glory and the lifter of my head.
-PSALM 3:3




The eyes of the Lord are on me, and His ears are open to my cry...When I cry out, the Lord hears, and delivers me out of all my troubles.
-PSALM 34:15, 17 (NKJV)
I WAITED patiently and expectantly for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, steadying my steps and establishing my goings. And He has put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to out God.
-PSALM 40:1-3
When my soul is cast down within me I remember the Lord and His goodness to me...He commands His loving-Kindness in the daytime, and in the night His song shall be with me-a prayer to the God of my life...I say to myself, "Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? I hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God"
-PSALM 42:6,8,11 (NKJV)


Here are a few quotes about Depression:

Concern should drive us into action and not into depression.
--Karen Horney

To be depressed is to be lonely; to have a friend is to be happy.


--Unknown

One of the first signs of being depressed is that you lose interest in things. That's why I think it is important to stay passionate.


--Nicolas Cage quotes (American Actor, Producer and Film Director. b.1964 in Long Beach, California)


The hardest thing you can do is smile when you are ill, in pain, or depressed. But this no-cost remedy is a necessary first half-step if you are to start on the road to recovery.
--Allen Klein quotes


Nothing else is needed to make you depressed, than to fancy you are so.


--Unknown

Well, That is all. This short post is closed.

Thank you for reading! Leave a comment! Don't be afraid to comment! Or ask questions!
Me

You don't have to be the smartest cookie or the sharpest knife in the drawer to be liked. Just be you. Nobody else can be a better you, than you!
---Me

Beauty and Purity (and other things)

Okay, this small post is mostly inspired by a book called Purity by Kris Vallotton...

I read this book yesterday... it is REALLY good.  After I read this book, I thought about... or I guess you could say I chewed on it for a while. Still am. I already knew purity was important. I also knew that it can be hard.

I came from a childhood of abuse. I knew what death meant. Due to my parents lifestyle. From birth to 7 years old my life was a living Hell. I was a RAD child. (Reactive Attachment Disorder) I never bonded to ANYBODY... I hated the world. I was my own enemy. When I was adopted I remember screaming and fighting my mother... (adoptive) I struggled for nearly 5 years with my past. During those angry years I remember thinking that maybe I was stupid and ugly. Ruined. Forgotten. Worthless, and all those Demonic spirits. I thought all those things about myself... until now.


I decided that I am not any of those feelings I thought I was before. I realized that I am beautiful and pure. Joyful, Compassionate, and friendly. Since my "Experience" one of my friends told me that since I am speaking English again, I am fun to be around because I am hilarious. Since I came back from my weird language I have noticed my thoughts have changed. So has my style!!! I have not been lusting and hating anybody. I feel lighter. Happier. Cleaner. I figured out that God can do ANYTHING!!!! From being mute to healing my spider bite!!!!


I love Him!!! Sometimes I feel like I can dance and sing of Him all the time. Why? Because He is so Awesome! I am so proud to be His daughter!!! I am a princess of the King!!!! I am a beautiful, pure, compassionate princess!!! Yes, I am His daughter! I want to share something that I wrote during my "Experience." (translated to English!!!)

(Worship poem to Him)

You are...

You are great

High and Mighty.

Nothing comes against you.

Water to the thirsty

Food to the hungry.

Money to the poor,

Death to the proud rich,

Sight to the blind,

You are...

You listen to my cries,

You helped me up,

When I fall down.

You are...

I sing that during my alone time with Him. I know He listens. He loves the sound of my voice. Here is another thing I wrote to Him... It is a letter:

"Okay, I am afraid, You showed me so much Lord. Father, I know I am not to be afraid, but I am!
What are you doing?

What will people think? Will I ever speak English again? Help me through this. I don't understand. Show me, guide me, deliver me. That's all, I guess.

Luv,
Me."

That was one of my cries to Him. I have several. Another is this:

"Dear Lord,

Nobody understands. Some people are afraid of me. I desperately want some one to talk to me! To understand. Why Me? Why choose me? Why let me forget my upbringing language? I can't read,write or speak English. No, I am not afraid... just confused. I am tired of this language. But... I will use it for your glory. I'm gonna raise the dead. I'm gonna cast demons out of people. Open the eye's of the blind. That's all I ask... Thank you,
Me"

When I read these cries that I wrote, I feel sad. Because I knew excatly how it felt and so on. So far I haven't raised the dead, cast demons out, or heal the blind, but I'm gonna do it! No, I am not gonna stop there! Jesus and I are gonna heal everybody of everything! Nothing is gonna come against us!

I know that my name is written the Lamb's Book of Life. I saw it the in Gold Letters. I saw Jesus write my name in His Book. There is a sign for me in gold and silver. Diamonds dance around it. It says "Welcome Home. My Good and Faithful Servant." I have danced with Jesus in the Ballroom. Rubies and Sapphiers danced around us. The gold floor was bright. Angels sang. My dress was extrodinary beautiful. Turquoise, rubies, diamonds, sapphaires and silver decorated my dress. My dark hair was decorated with gold and diamonds. Jesus had a bright gown. It is white. With gold and silver. Rubies and Diamonds. And some kind of green stone. It was a deep green stone. All of the precious stones danced around us as Jesus and I danced. After that Jesus gave me mana and sent me back to earth.

That is all...

Love,
MNJ

Love and Forgive Your Enemies.

  Preacher MNJ is back!!! Anyways, I have a question... How many of you struggle with loving your enemies? ME!!!  If I have an enemy, I don't love him or her! I absolutely detest them! I mean that's what enemies are, right? When we have enemies, our worldly minds don't think about forgiving and loving that person! We usually think about revenge. We want to get even! We think like this "Well, he or she hurt me so why should I be nice to them? They hurt me! They don't deserve my love or forgiveness!!" But, do you realize that Jesus loves and forgives us? We hurt and totally disobey Him! Jesus loves you. He loves you more than He loves the world. He forgives your stupidest sins. Why can't you do that to your enemies? What makes you specialer than your enemy?? Did you know that not loving and forgiving your enemies sins is actually a sin?

I don't really have an enemy, but I have struggles with relationships of people I know. I have been tempted to get angry and blow up. (overreact) Until recently, I would have already done that. But I made a commitment to God. "I don't care how many times I get a rude comment by people, but the ruder they get, the nicer I am going to become to them. Because I know You will me. You said You will bless those whom get persecuted. So I am comforted for I know that I am going to be blessed!" Here is several verses about persecution....

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

Matthew 5:44

 

Blessed [are] they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye, when [men] shall revile you, and persecute [you], and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great [is] your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Matthew 5:10-12

 

And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you. For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many. And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all [these things] must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places. All these [are] the beginning of sorrows. Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake.

Matthew 24:4-9

 

Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.

Romans 12:14  

 

 

 

 

  I know that the stronger my faith in Him grows the hate in others will grow. But I have Him next to me. He will comfort me. When I want to cry He will catch my tears. He will hold me as I tell Him my troubles. I can tell Him anything.
 
I remember one fond memory. (More about forgiveness) I will never forget that play-day.
 
We were at a friend's house. It was dark and us kids were jumping on the trampoline. One boy was bulling the smaller kids. He already sent one little boy crying. I stood up and told him to stop. He didn't. So I pulled him off a little kid. He stood up and looked at me. Only it was too dark to see him face-to-face. I knew he couldn't see me. He was enraged and yelled "What kind of freak are you!?" The kids on the trampoline grew quiet and looked our direction. I calmly said "I am the kind of freak that cares about other people." The boy said "hmm" and soon got off the trampoline.  Some kids came up to me and one of them said "Thanks, there aren't alot of people who can stand up to *Ralph." I shrugged and went inside for a drink. Later *Ralph came up to me and apologized. "I am so sorry. You are the first girl to talk to me that way. I guess I was being too rough to the smaller kids. I-I- am sorry." I smiled "It's okay. You gave me a test." With that I walked off than stopped and turned around "Oh, and I forgive you." At the end of the night we were talking and playing together.
 
That is the way we should stand up to our enemies. We need to be calm. We need to forgive. If you do, you will be an example to your enemy. How? Because you forgave them! You never know what your forgiveness will boil up too. It might even change your enemies life.
 
 Love and you'll be loved. Forgive and you'll be forgiven. Trust and you'll be trusted.
It's simple! Do it! Apply that rule to your life!!!
 
That's really about it. I know... short post. But oh well. I just needed to talk about forgiveness and love. well here's some verses to end my post!
 
Thanks,
MNJ
 
*Name changed to protect the boy*
 
If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and [that], when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place; And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son [is] stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; [he is] a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
Deuteronomy 21:18-21


Cursed [be] he that setteth light by his father or his mother. And all the people shall say, Amen.
Deuteronomy 27:16


For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.
Matthew 15:4


For Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death:
Mark 7:10


And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
Ephesians 4:26


Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
Ephesians 4:31

And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them.
Revelation 9:6

My Daddy's Love

I am soooo blessed! I've got My Daddy's Love! Know what I am talking about yet? God. He's my daddy. And He is an AWSOME daddy! I can tell Him anything and Everything. He provides me the best. He answers my prayers. He listens when I sing. He smiles when I am full of unconditional joy. He catches every tear I cry. What more could I ask for? My daddy is awesome! I sure am glad that I don't have His place on the throne in Heaven! I don't think I could bear the grief and sadness I would feel watching the people turn away from me, If I was God. God's got the hardest job. He loves me and He certainly loves you! In the Bible it talks about how much He loves you.


In Matthew 6:25-34 it reads:
 

Do Not Worry

25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

 
 
Notice how it says You Father... You may think He's not my Father! My Father is -----! But that person is your earthly father. Your true father is in Heaven. Sitting on the throne of grace. HE is your father!! God is your Father!! He knew you while you were in your mother's womb. He knew you before you were even conceived!! Talk about crazy! He knew what you were conceived for. He had plans for you. He still does if you would quit worrying about your hair, clothes, looks, etc!!! God has the supplies!!!! Open your ears and LISTEN!!!!! My therapist says "Some people have the ability to do great evil or do great good."
 
Now my question is What ability do YOU have? Before I was REALLY led to Christ, I knew that if I kept my rebellious, angry, lustful life that I was going to do great evil!  Instead I am following Christ so I can do great good!!! Don't we have a awesome God? How many of you worry alot? I'm not much of a worrier. (Anymore!) I decided to be a warrior instead. There is quote that is sooo true!!!
 
"Sorrow and regret look down, worry looks around, but faith and a good attitude looks up."
 
When you are sorrowful or you are regretting something it just is bringing you down! It won't let you rest. But you can make a choice to stay sorrowful or regretful or you can make a choice to say "NO! I rebuke you! You have NO power over me! I won't let you bring me down!"
 
Worry looks around... When you are cheating, or you are worried about your looks... you are looking around to see if anyone is watching you. It's true! Think about it!
 
Faith and a good attitude can lift you up. So when you are happy if you really think about it your spirit is lighter. So it lifts you up! Who are you gonna be? Sorrow, Regret, Worry, Faith and a good attitude?
 
Then there's another quote:
 
"You can't be a smart cookie with a crummy attitude!"
 
Which means you can't be happy and show others how happy you are if you got a bad attitude. Those just don't go together! Example: I can't talk to about this stuff if I am doing what I was doing a month ago!
 
To make this post less boring I HAVE to tell you another God experience!!
 
I was talking to God the other night. Sitting in my bed crying actually. I don't know why I was so sad. I felt alone and unloved. So I asked God "God, if you really love me; show me. And I will believe." He did show me! The second I asked that question a song came up. I Need You To Love Me by Barlow-Girl. It is on YouTube. (click for view)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QaM8l4Pn8c I cried some more when I heard it. It is an awesome song! I read the comments on it. One girl said "This song is retarded. It talks about god." Others said "I love it!"
 
We have all sinned. What we need is God's love. We want Him. Some of us just don't know how to get it. I'll tell you one thing. When you get ready to confess and follow Him. I will be there to help you. Yes, you will have struggles and temptations but you have to stand strong. Here's several verses about it:
 

Matthew 5:1-12

 

The Beatitudes

1 Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2 and he began to teach them saying:

3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

4 Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

5 Blessed are the meek,

for they will inherit the earth.

6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

7 Blessed are the merciful,

for they will be shown mercy.

8 Blessed are the pure in heart,

for they will see God.

9 Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they will be called sons of God.

10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

 
 
If you decided to become one of Jesus's followers today, I congratulate you. You have made a very good choice. But you have to mean it in your heart. It is a commitment. You have to stay with Him. He's your Shepherd. Your a sheep. Satan is a wolf and his demons are his followers. You must keep your ears and eyes open. Stay away from violence and pornography. Hate and anger. Idols and drugs. That also means NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE!!!!  Through those 7 things demons enter you. God loves you too much to see you go to hell. He does not want ANYBODY to go to hell. Hell was actually made for Satan and his angels.
 
2 Peter 2:4
For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but cast them into hell and committed them to pits of darkness, reserved for judgment;
 
If Satan had it his way everybody would be in hell. Me and you! EVERYBODY!!!!! Maybe we oughta thank God for being there for us to get to know Him so we can go to Heaven.
 
I will tell you the verse that talks about the 7 things God hates:
 
 

Proverbs 6:16-19 There are six things the LORD HATES, seven that are DETESTABLE to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.

 

 

I think I've done enough preachin. You might be hearing this kind of stuff for a while. But I hope I am changing lives. I don't want to be boring. I want to change people's lives. So PLEASE show other people! If this dosen't mean anything to you, it will to someone else. Well, I think I am done!

 

Bye for now!

MNJ

 

For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

Matthew 24:27
 
I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.
John 14:18
 
Behold, he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him, and they [also] which pierced him: and all kindreds of the earth shall wail because of him. Even so, Amen.
Revelation 1:7


Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.
Revelation 3:11


Behold, I come as a thief. Blessed [is] he that watcheth, and keepeth his garments, lest he walk naked, and they see his shame.
Revelation 16:15


And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward [is] with me, to give every man according as his work shall be.
Revelation 22:12


He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus.
Revelation 22:20

There is a God... Believe it or Not!

I had an interesting week... It is all mom's fault though! August 15, Sunday night mom,dad, and I were in the living room talking... well arguing. I had a rebellious attitude for a while. So mom and dad decided to get a handle on it...

I was so mad, I didn't know why. I felt nothing inside, I was empty. I told my parents that I wanted my bios and my foster care parent to come to me a ask for forgiveness. Then I'd be all right. Mom told me it doesn't work that way. I have to have to forgive them even if they don't come directly to me. So as hard headed as I am I argued my case. Pretty soon mom and I were on the couch fighting. I had a fear of my neck being touched. Let me explain why:

When I was about 5 or 6 I remember being left at home with MJ and TJ. Our parents were out partying; so we were left at home quiet often. Headlights shined through the window. I was sorta hoping it was our bios so I ran to the door. Two guys stood there. I pushed chairs to the door. The guys pushed the door open easily. I didn't understand why. To me those chairs were heavy! But anyhow MJ and TJ took off. I was a little too late... Maybe because my sassy mouth was moving... (we won't mention that okay?)

The guys grabbed me and dragged me to their car. I have been kidnapped before so I tried crawling out of the window. I think those guys knew a little about kidnapping 'cause they rolled the windows up... Around my neck! Struggling, I tried to get away. It only brought more pain and less air. We got to their hiding place, and they started cutting and striking my neck. When it was over they took me home.

Mom and I talked about it then she messed with my neck. I got to where I didn't tremble and try to run off.
We talked more then mom asked if I truly believed if Jesus was real... I answered "No, not really." We prayed then all of a sudden my right leg started shaking. Mom pointed it out and I stared at it then we grinned.  Mom asked if I wanted my other leg to start shaking, I shrugged. I mean what else can happen??

Mom prayed and so my legs were shaking and so were my arms!! I was laughing asking mom to make it stop. Well, God didn't like me asking it to stop so He struck me mute!! I was laughing silently. I have such a sweet, loving, kind, sympathetic mother... NOT!! She took out the Bible and read about Zacharias... The priest who was struck mute. He was told that his wife would bear a son named John and Zacharias didn't believe. So God struck him mute. That is in Luke 1:5-60!


Finally, I went to bed about midnight... yes, I was still shaking and mute. Next morning mom, TJ and I were sitting on the porch. Talking. Well I wasn't talking but... you get the point! TJ was falling under the spirit and I started singing... you have to understand I DO NOT sing!! But my song wasn't in English... it was in some strange language.

Mom gathered TJ into her arms and I got up and started praying... aloud! Mom and TJ talked then I panamined that TJ was sad. TJ started crying real hard. I prayed some more, then just worshipped God. Later we went to do chores and mom asked if I thought I was speaking English. I nodded. Mom just looked at me and said "Well I hate to break the news to you, but you ain't speaking English girl!" I laughed then mom suggested that I write down what I'm saying. I obeyed!! But it wasn't English... dunno what language it was but I was writing it! Mom was pulling different languages that look similar to mine. She brought one up in Aramaic I brightened up and nodded enthusiastically. So she put the Passion of Christ on You Tube and put her home page in front of it. So all I could do was guess what it was saying. After mom got the volume adjusted she asked what was going on. I told her in my wonderful panamining I told her that Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane crying, praying, and sweating blood. Asking God to remove the cup from His hand.
The Passion of Christ is done in Aramaic. So during my "wonderful" week I could read a little Hebrew, Aramaic, and Arabic.

God told me that Thursday I would pray for a young, sad, crippled, woman. Well... I saw her Thursday! Excited I drug TJ with me. I walked up to the lady and asked her in my language if I could pray for her. She answered! In my language!! She said "No, no, there is no God." I told her "Yes, there is a God! He'll heal you" I never could convince her. She just walked off. I prayed for her anyways. A couple feet off I noticed that she wasn't limping! YAY! God CAN work miracles!!


 Mom told me that I had the symptoms of being depressed. We prayed some more than God told me:

Sadness leads to loneliness. Loneliness leads to depression. Depression leads to unworthiness. Unworthiness leads to rejection. Rejection leads to anger. Anger always leads to Death.

I also have a testimony...

The other day, I got bitten by a Black Widow. On my arm. I noticed a red bump showing up on my arm. I rebuked it and told it to leave in the name of Jesus! That Satan has no control over me, not even through a little spider. It left!! Not a scar! God said through His word in Philippines 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I applied it to my bite. Then I thought "You know, I could have made a big deal about it... If I had I would be in the Hospital!"  I praised Him, I mean how could you not? I saw Him heal the young woman in the middle of Wal-Mart; Now I was experiencing my own miracle!!! Once you see Him face to face, once you feel His arms holding you, once you hear His voice, how can you be the same? How can you not want to read His word? How can you not want to pray for other people? How can you not sing and dance for joy? I am totally different. I feel a compassion I have never felt before. I feel a love for the people I thought I hated. I know that I am forever changed now.


In Acts 2:17-21 It says: 

17 'In the last days, God says,

"I will pour out my Spirit on all people.

Your sons and daughters will prophesy,

your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams.

18 Even on my servants, both men and women,

I will pour out my Spirit in those days,

and they will prophesy.

19 I will show wonders in the heaven above

and signs on the earth below,

blood and fire and billows of smoke.

20 The sun will be turned to darkness

and the moon to blood

before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord.

21 And everyone who calls

on the name of the Lord will be saved.'

WOW! Think a moment about that... Your sons and daughters shall prophesy... Lately we've had some pretty strange things going on.  Some of our young friends 14-20 went to Brazil this year! They came back totally different. I wanted what they had. They seemed so happy. Well, I got it! Only I didn't go to Brazil nor did I have the same experience they had. Acts seems to talk a great deal about it... the miracles, when Jesus comes back. EVERYTHING!!!  I am really excited to find out what God is doing right now. But at the same time I am not worried.

I learned three words that are NOT in God's vocabulary

Hate
Impossible
Try

But those three mean something. They are an excuse. A reason to not love and to not study and follow Him! If you really think about it they really mean that! I am learning slowly to not care what other people think of me. I have taken up dancing, singing, and praying in the middle of Wal-mart or any other place I go to. Why? Because I feel a joy in my heart. Strong joy. I feel a love for the people. A deep love. I pray for them. I have forgave my bios, my foster mom, and everyone that had forsaken and hurt me. No, it was not easy. But do you think that it was easy for Jesus to hang on the cross? Was it easy for Jesus to forgive ALL of us? We all sin. Jesus was the only person who never sinned. The only. He was unique and different.

1. He never sinned. (I am sure that means arguing, rebellion etc.)
2. He was part man and part God.
3. He healed people. I am sure that some people thought "Man, get a life! You aren't that special!"
4. He was hated. So totally hated!

I struggled for 5 years in disbelief. I did not really believe He was real. I was too soaked up in my power and anger. My demons. My past. I had a LOT of generational curses. Addiction, rebellion, hatred, anger, abuse, and lust. Those are a lot of generational curses. You don't have to believe that there is a such thing as generational curses, but... THEY ARE VERY REAL!!!!!  So are demons and angels. So is Hell and Heaven. So is Satan and God. They are all real. But I have one question... If you were to die right now, where would you go? How strong is your belief? How many people have you led to Christ? Is your relationship with Him strong? Like a knot tied in a piece of thread? TIGHT??? Ask God and He'll answer you. I don't want to know, what I'm doing is getting you to realize how strong your relationship is with God. I know that is 5 questions but they all lead to the first one.

I feel so happy when I pray for someone. Because I KNOW that My God answers prayers. Not always right away, but He will sometime. Here's a some things that God told me to tell you.

1. Be loyal. (To your parents, your spouse, your friends, God, etc.)
2. Have a child-like faith. (When He speaks to you, have you heart open and receive like a child will do.)
3. Have no doubt. (OUCH!! I struggle with that a lot! Don't have any doubt. He'll answer you if you'd only ask!!)
4. Be angry and do not sin. (When your angry don't take it out on others. If you do your only adding fuel to a fire. It makes Satan go "YES!! I won you! Your mine!" And you'll get angrier and angrier.)
5. Trust. (Trust in God with all your heart, soul, and mind.)
6. Show that demon he has no power over you!!! (Don't listen to disobedience, anger, etc.)
7. What God are you worshipping? (There is only 1 God! Music, TV, computers, sex, drugs, etc. are NOT gods. They should not rule your life!!! Let the 1 and only God rule!)
8. Do not let lust take control. (It may feel nice to think about sex, drugs, etc. but the only thing it gets you is one more step closer to HELL!!!!)
9. Don't take my advice before you take it to God. (He knows what's best. I don't. I am only Jesus's tool.)


God can do all things! Nothing is bigger than God. The Bible is pretty muchly full of miracles! Think about it. Moses doing all of his plagues. Why? So Pharaoh would let God's people go. They had been slaves to the Egyptians for approximately 400 hundred years! I feel sorry for the mother's who lost their babies, because Pharaoh thought they were too many. Imagine the agony those mother's felt watching their precious babies being thrown unmercifully into the Nile River. Imagine the pain and suffering the Hebrews felt when they were nothing but worthless slaves. They made bricks, and gathered their own straw. Imagine the pure joy they felt when they were freed. Imagine the confusion the Egyptians felt when all those plagues hit them but not the Hebrews. I sometimes think "You know it would have been easier if Pharaoh would have just let the Hebrews go!" But then I think "But, wouldn't it be easier if I would tell the truth, or obey all the time?" So I can't condemn Pharaoh. Because I have been a uh-huh for a long time too. (maybe longer!)

How many of you have let your mouth run over? Raise your hand! ME!!!!!!! I let my tongue overload quiet often! Here is 2 chapters in James that I am saying ouch! Ouch! Ouch!!! Here they are!

James 3

Taming the Tongue

1 Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2 We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

7All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Two Kinds of Wisdom

13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.

17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

Think about that Chapter before you move on to the next Chapter. How many of you have let your tongue become a deadly fire? I think everyone has. Some more often then others. But we have all sinned. Thank Jesus for taking a hard task so that we can be saved!

 

James 4

Submit Yourselves to God

1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

4 You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

11 Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?

Boasting About Tomorrow

13 Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16 As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17 Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."

OKAY!!!??? Now that is... WOW!! Who are you to judge your neighbor? How many of us have judged our neighbor? MEEE!!!!!  But your neighbor is not just the people who live next door to you, it means EVERYONE!!! Think about THAT one!

 Submit yourself to God, and Resist the devil and he will flee from you! It does not say Resist the devil and he might flee from you. It says Submit yourself to God, and Resist the devil and he will flee from you! Submit!!!! Give!!!! Release yourself!!! Let God be in control!!! Not you!!! He deserves you. He wants you. He loves you. You can let God or Satan be in control. If you obey God, You will have a long life full of joy and purity. With Satan as your king you will have a angry, sad, unholy life. You will feel dirty. Nasty. Depressed. Remember what I told you earlier?

Sadness leads to loneliness. Loneliness leads to depression. Depression leads to unworthiness. Unworthiness leads to rejection. Rejection leads to anger. Anger always leads to Death.

It is soooo true! Your lust, anger, hatred, disobedience, rebellion, unloyalness, will give you a free ride to Hell in a hand-basket. Unless you confess ALL of your sins. Here's a website it has the Bible in categories. Visit : http://www.bibletopics.com/  It has topics like sex, death, sin, anger, arguing, etc.

That's it!  May God bless you in amazing ways!

MNJ (a former abused child)

I am

I hear your voice.

I cry and cry.

'Cause you are dead,

and not hear beside me.

A flood of tears

pour down my cheeks.

My heart is beyond pain.

Pain I can't express.

Pain I can't bear.

I breathe in choking gasps.

"Stop.' you say ever so softly

'I am here...

I am the whisper in the wind,

calling, calling you.

I am the sun in the sky,

smiling down on you, my dearest one.

I am

the shadow on the ground,

I follow you everywhere

you shall go.

I am your imaginary friend,

whom you tell you darkest secrets.

I am the warmth in your heart,

as you think of me again,

and again.

I am the moon light

shinning down,

I will be there until the end.

No matter where you

are. I am there,

I am there.

Forever my friend.

Forever...

MNJ

Dedication: To my dearest friends, Spooky, Buger Bear, and Beauty...

Thank you for such a inspiration my friends.....

No Hope

I watch you

turn your back on us.

My dreams and hopes

die.

"Is it worth it, Losing

family, friends and me?"

I cry

Foolish person!

Do you have a clue

what you are doing.

The pains you will suffer!

Physically and

spiritually!

Just who are you?

Playing games with the

spiritual world?!

You are likely to

die!

But, please tell me,

Who are YOU?!

A liar! A cheater!

That's who you are!

Don't you care?!

No.

You don't care!

You don't care what

happens to you!

I am through. I am

going to back off.

This is YOUR life.

Not mine.

But whatever you do.

Take care.

'Cause I have.........

No Hope.

MNJ

I Gave You...

I gave you My heart.

I gave you My love.

I gave you joy

I gave peace.

I gave you contentment.

I gave you food.

I gave you clothing.

I gave you water.

I gave you My Father.

I gave you shelter My child.

I forgave you much more than 70 x 7.

Can you say as much?!

But......

I gave YOU MY LIFE, My child.

What do you give Me, My child?

You spend no time with me.

You do not put forth your best effort.

I blessed you.

I gave you all that you need My child!

You envy others.

You gave me SIN!

MNJ

Note: I felt as if Jesus was talking to me when I finished this poem. I envy others, I don't spend as much time as I should, I don't forgive as Jesus did me. 70 x 7? WOW! Multiply that up. And you will be surprised. I sure was! Jesus blessed us. Let us be thankful for what Jesus had given us!

My Heart

Blood drips from

my mouth.

My sides heave for

air. My ears strain

to hear what is going

on. My heart aches

from the pain.

Oh no! Mother is

here again! My blood

starts to race

through my veins.

My heart is pounding.

"Escape! Run!" My mind shouts

"Bam!" My head hits the

counter. "Whack!" My

body crumples to the

floor. "Wham!"

Mother kicks me again and again.

"Crash!" I feel Mother

throw a plate at me.

Pain sears through me

as it hits me.

Suddenly Sally

starts to cry. I find

my chance to run.

My heart races.

Blood is pouring down

my chin.

My sides heave heavily

for air.

Where oh where can

I go? Where is Dad

when I need him most?

Mother comes back

to finish me off.

My blood runs cold.

I scramble to

my feet and try to

run.

"Get your ### over here

you #######!" she

shouts.

She comes after me.

My legs are getting tired.

Mother is catching up!

Finally I collapse about

2 miles from the House.

Mother comes and slaps

me. She picks me up

and carries me home.

She sets me on a stool.

"You must be very thirsty.

After such a long run that is!"

She fills a cup from the

toilet and pours it down my

throat.

I fall off the stool.

I gasp for air.

Mother laughs and throws me around.

I try to scream

But not a sound was made.

My blood runs cold as Mother

screams in my face.

As Mother screams.

I started to fade

away. I could feel Mother

pick me up and shake me.

My head jerks forward.

My bones throb.

My blood turns colder and colder.

My heart is barely moving.

I fade deeper and deeper

into darkness.

Oh please! I

don't want to die!

Who will protect

Max? Or Sally?

Please oh please!

Help me!

Mother puts me

down and kicks me.

I jerk forward and

fall limp on the floor.

My breathing shallows.

"Goodbye Sally and Max."

My mind says

An Angel comes to take me.

I look sadly at my House.

I see my limp body crumpled

on the floor. Never to suffer again.

So Goodbye.

Goodbye Forever.

MNJ

Note: This poem is dedicated to my brother and sister whom died at age 4 and 1. Children are still dying from abuse. That is why we want YOU to help.

Grief

You die, I cry.

Tears come and come.

Why you? Why me?

When you left, My heart

left too.

I hold you while you

take your last breath.

What can I do?

What can I say?

Don't leave! Please don't!

Please don't leave me here cold

alone, and abandoned!

Grief stabs me again

and again. I feel it come

in waves. It hits harder

each time.

I don't know what to do!

My breath comes in gasps!

My heart seems to stop.

I feel as if I am dying too.

Tears and words can't

explain how I feel inside.

Oh, Oh, How I want to scream

in anguish!

I collapse beside your body.

Grief slams again and again.

The air suddenly becomes too hot and thick.

I can't breathe!

My heart stops!

No stay awake! Please!

I want to scream.

Not a sound made.

I turn away.

I can't stand to see you anymore.

Memories hit me now.

I remember you running,

playing, and it seems you laughed.

Grief tears at me.

You leave with a smile. Why?

Grief, Grief, Grief

.........GRIEF.

MNJ

Dedication: To Beauty, Sam, Bugger Bear, Spooky, and To my friends family.

The Dark, Dark Night.....

I wake up to hear

yelling and shouting.

"Uh oh, Mom and Dad

are at it again." I say to myself.

I stay in my sodden bed.

To terrified to move.

All of a sudden I hear loud sirens.

Red, Blue and Yellow lights fill

my bedroom.

I hear my doorknob turn.

Terrified, I pull the covers of my head.

Next thing I know, I hear my Mom

and Dad call my name, I try to run

to them.

I look up to see the kind face of a

kind policeman.

Terror races through my veins.

I try hard to squirm out of his arms.

But..... I am being carried to my

Grandmother's van.

"Elida! Elida! Come here!"

I hear my Mom scream.

I look outside the window to only see,

my Mom and Dad being shoved into a car.

Frantically, I try to open the door.

But.....it's locked!!!!

Grandmother drives slowly away

from Our House.

Goodbye Mom and Dad.

Goodbye Forever.

MNJ

Note: Never will I forget that dark, dark scary night.

Suicide

I am nine.

And it's time.

For me to die.

Please don't cry!

But I don't care,

Cause it's more than I can bear.

I can't seem to think,

Cause I feel I might sink.

So I leave.

But I believe.

Never to return,

NEVER

MNJ