Monday, October 10, 2011

My Purity Journal

Purity Study

2 Timothy 2:22 “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

“Walk in truth and joy, become a servant, study and learn all manner of different skills, practice honoring those in authority over you, and pray for every man you know who seeks the Lord; pray that these men have the heart to labor for the harvest” Debi Pearl*

(*Debi Pearl is the author of several awesome books, I used this out of her book Preparing to be a Help Meet.)

To be a pure woman I will:

I will honor God in my youth. 1 Corinthians 7:34

 I will be open to counsel. Prov. 11:14 and 12:15

 I will prove to those interested, that I am a hard worker, and will be a good, willing wife. Proverbs 31:10-31

 I will pray for wisdom. James 1:5

 I will pray for those in authority over me, so that they will be watching for any young man who might be a good match. 1 Timothy 2:2

 I will wait for marriage, with patience and joy. Colossians 1:11, Romans 5:3-4 and 8:25

 I will look for ways to serve others. Galatians 5:13

 When a man of honor asks for me, and those who have watched over me feel that he is a good man, then I will genuinely seek the Lord for His direction. Proverbs 19:20-21.

Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. Proverbs 31:10

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need to spoil. Proverbs 31:11

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12

She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. Proverbs 31:13

She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar. Proverbs 31:14

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. Proverbs 31:15

She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. Proverbs 31:16

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengthened her arms. Proverbs 31:17

She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. Proverbs 31:18

She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. Proverbs 31:19

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. Proverbs 31:20

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. Proverbs 31:21

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Proverbs 31:22

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. Proverbs 31:23

She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchants. Proverbs 31:24

Strength and honour are her clothing: and she shall rejoice in time to come. Proverbs 31:25

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. Proverbs 31:26

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Proverbs 31:27

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Proverbs 31:28

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Proverbs 31:29

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. Proverbs 31:31

God’s estimation of a virtuous woman is: hard working, creative, frugal, cheerful, kind, and pleasant.

Lord, grow me into a patient young woman. Help me with my sexual purity. Teach me purity and truth. Help me not get addicted to anything bad. Sex, drugs, alcohol, etc. However, get me addicted to your love, joy, peace, patience, and truth. Keep my eyes pure. Keep my ears clean. Keep my mouth locked if it is not pleasing or kind. Protect my mind from inappropriate and/or disappointing thoughts. Seal my lips with a kiss, so that my husband’s kiss I will not miss. Teach me to forgive easily, and to pray fervently. Teach me to be passionate, compassionate, eager to please others, and to practice submission with those in authority. Keep my lips closed when my anger rises, so that I will not hurt those who hurt me. Teach me to work hard; not to expect praise when I did something I was responsible for. Give me a mother’s heart, for the young children I am around. Teach me to control my anger, and to rein in my tongue.

Help me have a even temperament. Give me wisdom and patience. Teach me to praise you in my few years of being single. Because, I know I will miss these days. Teach me to wait for the young man to pursue me, not the other way around. Help me be patient while waiting for him. Bring a smile to my face while I am at home and in public. Help me stay modest and pure. Physically and spiritually. Teach me to be beautiful inside and out. Keep me healthy and strong. Teach my spirit to listen intently to your voice. During my courting days, keep it holy and pure. Keep my wedding day blissful and joyful. Teach me to stay pure for my wedding bed and my husband. Keep him clean and pure also.

Help me during my single years. Teach me not to give in to a tempting young man. Teach me to ignore my “friend’s advice” on purity, if it is not from you. Teach me to seek you eagerly. Help me while my friends laugh at my way of dress and thinking. I know that you are pleased with what I am doing. Help me to grasp truth and facts from lies and opinions. Help me walk softly and modestly. Not to flaunt my body, and swing my hips widely. Teach me to draw attention to you not my breasts or back side. Let my eyes shine with joy and thanksgiving. Keep them from clouding with rebellion and unforgivness. Keep my legs strong so that I will not sway in temptation. Teach my mind to follow my heart, so that my feet will not run into sin so quickly. Teach me to not seduce a young man struggling for purity. Teach me to honor his wishes and to respect him. Help me protect my lips for my husband’s first kiss on our wedding day. Last but not least… Teach me not to lust for a young man that is not mine. Nor build a fantasy about him.

This is my list for my husband… Who I want him to be. Important stuff.

Obsession with sports, sex, pornography, etc. is not what I want.

I do not like sports, so I will not go into a deeper relationship with a young man that is more interested in sports than God and me. I do not want our kids to attend any sports. I don’t want to sound meticulous but, why make a young man suffer forever if I find his conversations completely boring? There are other girls that share the same interests with him. No matter how hot he is, think about the future. Will I be hurt or will he? This is a must agree before marriage!

Sex… I do not want a young man that is very sexually active. His only concern is how to get me into bed. Watch and listen carefully. A young man that screams out “sex, sex, sex!” Both verbally and spiritually, should send a red flag, do not do into a boyfriend/girlfriend with a young man like that! A young man that tempts me sexually and knows this but continues to do so, I will politely decline his persuasion in a deeper relationship. If I marry him, then he will lose interest and start to cheat on me. Do not be afraid to say “No thanks.” To a young man that is not right/good for me!

Pornography… A man that lusts after a woman will lead to destruction. If he lusts after me than he will lust after another young woman down the road! Just like a man that is obsessed with sex, his only concern is to get me to bed. He is always wanting what he does not have. Listen carefully when he talks. A man that complains is not a good choice. Later he will put me down because I don’t look as “hot” as I did before children. No matter how hot or charming these men are… They will bring me unhappiness. Find a young man that shares my same interests. Do not expect these young men to be “saved by my love” because they will not change. What their habits are before marriage will be carried into marriage.

Look for a young man that I will be proud to be known with. A young man that I would want to be a father to my children. A young man that sees me as a queen not a servant. A young man that will fight for my love, my affections, and my heart. A young man that seeks God as fervently as I do. A man that loves with compassion, not just passion. A man that seeks honor, respect, and truth. A man that won’t see me as a “freak” but sees me as a young woman that is earnestly praising God. A man that honors, respects, and loves me, for me. A young man, that I will be pleased to please, and a man that I will be honored to know, that I stayed pure and holy for him. A man that I can give my gift to him, and he will cherish it forever.

I want to learn not to lust after a man that is not mine, “Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth death.” James 1:15 In other words… If I lust after a young man then that means I am killing something that should belong to my husband. Then when I lust and build up a fantasy of a young man, than I am robbing something special. Usually, I hurt the young man and me. So in other words, be very careful with your thoughts. If a young man catches my eye, smile, thank the Lord for creating such awesome work then turn my focus back to God. Do not hesitate in wondering if it is okay to fantasize just a tad. Because it isn’t. It is dangerous. Sex is a good thing. Lust isn’t. That is our problem. We connect sex and lust together. We sugar coat the word lust to make it sound lovely. Lust is errant, wicked, corrupt, whatever you want to call it. (I like errant; it looks like a big word.)

Think of a candy bar. It looks so good. (especially if it is choclate!) I can almost taste the richness of it… But just as you went to take a bite out of it… A complete stranger runs over, snatches it out of your eager hands, and takes a big bite! He does a real good job of it, because it has saliva running down it’s sides. Now you don’t want it any more.

That is what lust does to sex. When I lust, I am taking the sweetness, and pleasure out of sex. So all I will have on my wedding day is a mind full of lust, but no pleasure will be involved. I will expect my husband to be the perfect prince I have lusted for all my life, wake up in the morning with him not being so perfect. Do not let your mind feed itself on lust. Because it will only rob me of joy and pleasure. Whatever habits I have now that are not pleasing to God, I need to break them… otherwise I will carry them into my marriage, and then I will hurt my husband and my future.
Before I end this, I want to pray…

“Dear Lord, Thank you for these joyous years of singleness. Thank you for giving me patience, joy, love, peace, courage, and wisdom. Help me become righteous and holy. Help me during my diffucult years of purity. Help me during my struggle of maintaining friends who disagree with my thinking and persuade me to become impure. Teach me to laugh a lot and be very careful with my words. Thank you!”


Marie Jones!!!!





Thursday, September 1, 2011

Missing Parts...(of your heart)

Our world has abused love. It tells all of us young teens, (and even younger!) that it is okay to go make out and have sex in the backseat. Have you ever heard the phrase "If you love me then you would _____." It is a way to manipulate someone into doing something that is probably not pleasing God. I have some manipulative friends that are 13-14 and they have a girlfriend or a boyfriend! I don't have one, so I am the target of, "Hey, let's get a boyfriend for you!" games. It drives me crazy, but I feel sorry for them. They are giving themselves away. Pieces of themselves that they will never get back. I have a story from a book I am reading right now and I would like to post it. It is by Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye:

"It was finally here-Anna's wedding day, the day she had dreamed about and planned for months. The small, picturesque church was crowded with friends and family. Sunlight poured through the stained-glass windows, and the gentle music of stringed quartet filled the air. Anna walked down the aisle toward David. Joy surged within her. This was the moment in which she had waited so long. He gently took her hand, and they turned and faced the altar.
But as the minister began to lead Anna and David through their vows, the unthinkable happened. A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the altar, and took David's other hand. Another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another. Soon a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to Anna.
Anna felt her lip beginning to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes. "Is this some kind of joke?" she whispered to David.
"I'm...I'm sorry, Anna," he said, staring at the floor.
"Who are these girls, David? What is going on?" she gasped.
"They're girls from my past," he answered sadly. "Anna, they don't mean anything to me now... but I've given part of my heart to each of them."
"I thought your heart was mine," she said
"It is, it is," he pleaded. "Everything that's left is yours."
A tear rolled down Anna's cheek. Then she woke up."

I really LIKE this story. Whenever you "fall" for someone, you give parts of yourself away. Parts that can never be "Super Glued" back on. I have given a part of myself away... but I am now working on saving the rest of myself for my husband. My purity is very special, I want my husband to have ALL of it. I don't want to give pieces of myself away, then hurt him when I say "Yeah, did you know that my first REAL kiss was whenever I had my first boyfriend. Sorry, you should have showed up sooner." That message would have screamed "I don't really love you, I just wanted to see what it felt like to be married." It would leave our relationship torn and empty. I am saving my first kiss for my wedding day. It is possible.
Today I was talking with a friend of mine, and she said "If I want to get to know someone better, I would ask him to go out to the movies with me,"
"In a group? Or just you two?" I asked.
"Just the two of us," she explained," Why go in a group if you are trying to get to know him better. You want to meet him one on one."
"But, that is inappropriate," I said, "For a young woman trying to stay pure? Going to the movies? These are my beliefs."
We sat in silence a minute then she shrugged.
I finally just said "I guess we are raised very differently."
That is what I call foolish! If you are striving for purity, you do not go in a darkened room with a guy (or woman) alone! That is just foolish! But of course, this my opinion.
"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart" (2 Timothy 2:22). I wouldn't put myself in a place of temptation. I might have the self-control to not do anything...But, that is not the point. The point is, I am supposed to flee the temptations. In other words, I would not go to the movies with a guy. Just me and a guy. That is setting me up for temptation, and it would cause him to sin.

I asked someone this question (he is struggling with purity in his relationship with his girlfriend)
"Do you want a girlfriend to hold and fondle temporarily, or do you want a wife to hold and fondle forever?"
He looked at me as if I had asked a stupid question, "A wife of course."
"Okay, let me ask another question,"
He raised his eyebrows.
"Your girlfriend would most likely not end up being your wife. How would you want your wife to be treated before marriage?"
He studied a moment, then looked at me, "I want her treated well."
"So, why are you fondling and holding a young woman that will most likely be someone else's wife?"
"I.. I don't know." he stammered.
"Treat this young woman as you would want some other guy to treat your wife. So, don't get your girlfriend violated and ruined, keep her safe and clean. That way she can reach her husband, pure. And your wife will reach you pure."
He nodded and stared off into the distance, then turned back to me, "So how do I tell what touch is okay and what touch is not okay?"
I thought a moment, "Well, when you touch her, in certain ways, what thoughts immediately start thinking?"
"Well, you know, sex... I guess..." He looked embarrassed.
"Okay so there is your answer. When those sexual thoughts come up, that is your red flag of "HEY! CAREFUL! THINGS ARE GETTING TOO HEATED!!!!!!!!!" So, therefore you should be on guard and watch for that flag."
He nodded.
"Does that make sense?" I asked.
"Yeah. Thanks."
"Your welcome." We smiled then we parted.

It is a sad world we live in... cartoons, movies, books, advertisements, and even music are now shouting "Love is sex." "Sex is pleasure." "Pleasure is all that matters." But really, love is not sex, sex is not all the pleasure in the world, and pleasure is not what matters. God is love, Loving God brings pleasure, and pleasure comes from God.
"Yeah but God never has fun! He doesn't understand what pleasures they're in the world!!!" You say.
Well, if God didn't know what fun was, then why did He create us? Why did He create man and woman? Why did He create love? Is this not fun? Sure, it is not movie/toy kind of fun. God is fun. God doesn't have fun when a man and a woman abuse sex outside of marriage. That hurts Him. God finds sex within marriage fun and pure! It is exciting! Sex was created to be a way of worshipping God in a marriage bed!

There is one person for you out there. I am pretty sure that you are destined to get married, (Unless God told you face to face that you shall be single and eat sushi for the rest of your life) then it is incredibly possible that you will marry someone. Trust me when I say this: Marriage is worth waiting for! Although I am not married, I know that it is worth waiting for. I have an exciting 5-6 years of waiting and preparing! I am not mature enough for a relationship, and I am sure I am not worthy enough for my future husband's love. I have messed up a little in my purity walk, but I am forgiven and that is all that matters!

Before I go, I recommend three purity authors: check 'em out! They are cool!

Joshua Harris's website (haven't looked at it)
His books: I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and Boy Meets Girl, Welcome to Courtship!

Eric and Leslie Ludy and their website:
Books: When God writes Your Love Story, When Dreams Come True, Authentic Beauty, God's Gift to Women, and Teaching True Love to a Sex-at-13 Generation

Elisabeth Elliot Gren and her books: A Chance To Die, On Asking God Why, The Journals of Jim Elliot, The Mark of a Man, Discipline: The Glad Surrender, and Passion and Purity

Thanks for reading this,

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

New Post...(can't come up with a better name!)

Okay! A new day, new hour, new post, and a new friend! What more can a girl ask for? Hmmmmm..... Wisdom? Stronger faith? Being undoubtful???? Those too.....

Forgive me for saying this but, I don't have the craziest idea to post about! I just feel that I should post... Guess you may join in my mindless conversation.... :)

 It is Tuesday. 3:14 p.m to be exact. My new friend is 'Tunia. She is my cousin/sister, TOTALLY related to me... hmmm... You may be wondering "So what SPECIES is your cousin/sister?" You have to guess.

My new friend (cousin/sister) is (a): _______________.

(a) a donkey.
(b) a sheep.
(c) a mule.
(d) a human.
(e) a goat.

Did you guess? If not oh well! Comment, and confess your answer... who knows! You may be a winner! (KK, I am sorry, but you KNOW the answer. So let's wait...okay?) ;)

I have no new visions, dreams or such. Whenever I figure out how to tell my "life" story I will. But, first I gotta come up with a name besides "My Life" or other names... Feel free to toss out some titles! I would greatly appreciate it!

What else can I blog about? Keep me in prayer please. I am struggling right now.

Oh! I read a A-W-E-S-O-M-E quote!! Wanna hear/read it?? Okay just a sec. Gotta go get it!

"Remember three things save yourself lots of unneeded heartache:
1# You're not God
2# This ain't heaven
3# Don't act like a jerk."
~Rev. James Martin, author of "The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything: A Spirituality for Real Life."

Here's another:

"When in times of crisis, you have two options- running from God or turning to God."
~Bryan Bedford.

I am one of those people, that I tend to run from God. I am definitely NOT   that faithful. I am a very sinful girl.

I am done... sorry that my posts are getting shorter nowadays!


(Mother says that this post sounds like an average 13 yo. girl's post...hmmm wonder why?) :)

Monday, April 25, 2011

Suicide, Dreams, and Visions.

Oh, what am I going to preach uh, talk about? Hmmmm.... I guess we'll find out!

    What is the deal about suicide? Has it increased? Or am I just starting to notice it some more? Maybe, it is some of both. A Lot of young men and women attempt suicide. Sadly, some of them succeed. One of the questions I continually ask myself; "Why commit suicide, and die, when you could be alive and run, play, sing, laugh... live! But, this is coming from a very minor suicidal girl. I was one of those people who had this mindset: "I want to die, but then... I don't." When I was suicidal, I was a chicken! I only did the things like: choking, drowning, starving,(that never really happened!) bulimia, (Maybe that one doesn't count... 'cause I never could get it to work. I only gagged.) and holding my breath. I never tried shooting, hanging, or cutting. Cutting? Sounded kinda painful. Hanging and (or) shooting? What if it worked?

Okay.... Let's migrate to Dreams and visions...
(If you want too. If not... then I guess that's your problem!)

I am a dreamer. Or a seer. (it sounds more grown-up-like.)
Yes, I am a seer. I think you know that... right? Anyways, I had a vision yesterday. Kinda interesting...
Wanna read it? Thought so.

I prayed and cried out to God, (I have been struggling with quiet a few things lately.) I think I cried a little too hard, 'cause I fell asleep. Well, as I laid under a tree in our back pasture, I dreamed. There was a long, winding road. A large castle-like building stretched out as far as I could see. (Probably, heaven.) Anyhow, I began to see people. (The people are us... of course!) People and animals walking together. Then, the animals attacked certain people. Not all of them, but some. They kinda singled them out. (The animals were angels.) The other people, (who were not attacked) kept on walking. They didn't even turn they're heads to the sound of people screaming! The animals turned, followed and soon they were all in these huge, outstanding, beautiful gates. Seven creatures stood on top of a balcony, blowing trumpets. The trumpets, however made a strange, but beautiful sound. (The seven creatures stood for seven of God's names like Abba, Jehovah, etc. The people whom were attacked were dragged off the road by reptileish, ugly, demonic creatures. (demons).

Before I close, I want you to hear a song, "Invisible" by Disciple. YouTube probably has it. But, of course, YouTube has alot of things! I LOVE  that song!

Well, This extremely short post is over!


Sunday, March 20, 2011

Alive... (and a little more about depression)

This little poem is about Depression, Hopelessness...etc.

The short story behind it was:
Earlier today, (like a couple of minutes ago.) I was sitting on the couch. Then I felt this fire racing through me. I have felt it before but then I heard... words. It was like a song playing in my head. I ran and grabbed a pencil and paper, sat down and expected to write... I DID WRITE. But I didn't control my hand. It was moving by itself. Awkward as it seems, I love it when that happens... Okay here is the poem:


I'm alive...
but I'm not.

My heart is torn,
split into a million pieces.

Hard to fix this mess,
on my own.

I am crying out,
Can you hear it?

Lost, I am walking,
Is there such a feeling as "Happy"?

Down this road I walk,
darkness surrounds me.

Can you hear my
desperate cries?

I'm alive,
but I'm not.

Is there more to life
than breathing?

If so, Please show
me how to live...

I am broken inside...
A pain so intense.

Afraid to cry, because I
know, it won't be a single tear.

Can anyone hear me?
Can't anyone see my pain?
Listen while I cry?

Is there anyone I can trust?

Snared by depression,
Can I be set free?

Will you watch me soar up yonder?
Or, will you turn your back?

I understand,
I am not worthy...

This pain...

Agony grips me...

Depression strangles me...

Hate weighs me down...

Fear makes me stumble...

Hopelessness slaughters me...
Again and again.

Save me please...

I'm alive...
but, I'm not.

Is there any hope,
at all?

Can I close my eyes,
and hope that everything will be okay?

Bring meaning into my life,
so I don't end it...
So soon.

Break this chain.
Set me Free.

Is there more to life than

Show me...


For those who are depressed and don't believe anyone understands... I want to say I do. I have walked down that road. Yes, it is dark and lonely. Suicide isn't a way out. If you are depressed (or hurting deeply in other ways.) You CAN overcome it. Depression ISN'T a dead end... it is a beginning. It helps you build your faith. Knowing that you didn't overcome by yourself. I was a VERY depressed young girl... I have proof that I overcame it. I am more than willing to help/pray for ANYONE who is struggling right now. I don't pray to make me sound good. I pray to show others that God IS REAL!! And whatever you are going through right now, isn't a dead end. It doesn't mean that "Hey dude, your life is hopeless. The only way is to kill yourself.." Please, don't listen to that. Depression can either kill you or help you. It is all on your attitude about it and which god you listen to.

I guess I am done...

Thanks so much for reading!

I do want to help in anyway I can! I want to make Satan so angry with me!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Painful Memories...

Okay, I'll admit it! Sometimes my mom is right! I love her...(somedays) but shhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Don't tell her!!! hahaha! Sometimes I think she is so not fair! We have actually fought on the couch. Like I bit, pulled her hair, pinched and kicked her.... I never understood why she never quit fighting. In my mind I was stupid, worthless, unknown! I was hated. I was a RAD child. (Reactive Attachment Disorder) I never learned how to love... until now...

In case she is reading this, I'll say some nice sweet things about her... just so I won't get lectured!!! teehee! My mother does NOT know the words NO! and normal. You tell her no she can't do it then she's going to do it! You ask why can't she act like your normal "Well, Honey, Don't you look darling" mothers, she'll ask why does she need to be a setting on a dryer!!! Have you ever heard a little kid say "Your not my boss, mommy is!" Hahaha! That explains my mama!!!!

Okay! I'll get serious!!! We all have hard times right? Read this poem: (It is an old poem.)


I am torn into

Broken inside...

My eagerness dies...

My happiness disappears...

Dread fills my heart...

Fear is here...

I look at what is left
of me...


In reality I am as burden
to my family...

Here I am...

Torn into pieces...

I know they were right...

I am a mistake...

Tonight, you won't see the
tears I cry...

I've told you everything...

I even opened up my heart...

I let you in...

Now what's left of me... is who
I pretend to be...

I am broken inside...

My life is slipping by...

I am only 13! I can't die yet!

I am barely holding on...

I am an outcast...

A burden...

Once again...

I am broken inside...


Kinda sad huh? It hurts to be hurting. Sometimes it hurts to cry or even talk about what's wrong. You have had a thorn or a sticker in your foot or hands right? It hurts really bad... It hurts to pull it out and even is a tad sore later. Your painful memories stick to you like a thorn in your heart. It isn't gonna come out until you decide your gonna pull it out. It hurts! I know! Let God hold your hand while you pull it out.

Will you do me a favor? I want you to look up this song(z)
"Who Am I?" (Casting Crowns)
"Alive" (Toby Mac)
"New York to L.A" (Pressplay)

I know this is an awfully short post, but I pray you learned something!!! Don't forget to look them song or songs or songzzzzz up! Thanks,


"Whoever said life was dull as obviously never met God" - MNJ