Beauty and Purity (and other things)

Okay, this small post is mostly inspired by a book called Purity by Kris Vallotton...

I read this book yesterday... it is REALLY good.  After I read this book, I thought about... or I guess you could say I chewed on it for a while. Still am. I already knew purity was important. I also knew that it can be hard.

I came from a childhood of abuse. I knew what death meant. Due to my parents lifestyle. From birth to 7 years old my life was a living Hell. I was a RAD child. (Reactive Attachment Disorder) I never bonded to ANYBODY... I hated the world. I was my own enemy. When I was adopted I remember screaming and fighting my mother... (adoptive) I struggled for nearly 5 years with my past. During those angry years I remember thinking that maybe I was stupid and ugly. Ruined. Forgotten. Worthless, and all those Demonic spirits. I thought all those things about myself... until now.


I decided that I am not any of those feelings I thought I was before. I realized that I am beautiful and pure. Joyful, Compassionate, and friendly. Since my "Experience" one of my friends told me that since I am speaking English again, I am fun to be around because I am hilarious. Since I came back from my weird language I have noticed my thoughts have changed. So has my style!!! I have not been lusting and hating anybody. I feel lighter. Happier. Cleaner. I figured out that God can do ANYTHING!!!! From being mute to healing my spider bite!!!!


I love Him!!! Sometimes I feel like I can dance and sing of Him all the time. Why? Because He is so Awesome! I am so proud to be His daughter!!! I am a princess of the King!!!! I am a beautiful, pure, compassionate princess!!! Yes, I am His daughter! I want to share something that I wrote during my "Experience." (translated to English!!!)

(Worship poem to Him)

You are...

You are great

High and Mighty.

Nothing comes against you.

Water to the thirsty

Food to the hungry.

Money to the poor,

Death to the proud rich,

Sight to the blind,

You are...

You listen to my cries,

You helped me up,

When I fall down.

You are...

I sing that during my alone time with Him. I know He listens. He loves the sound of my voice. Here is another thing I wrote to Him... It is a letter:

"Okay, I am afraid, You showed me so much Lord. Father, I know I am not to be afraid, but I am!
What are you doing?

What will people think? Will I ever speak English again? Help me through this. I don't understand. Show me, guide me, deliver me. That's all, I guess.

Luv,
Me."

That was one of my cries to Him. I have several. Another is this:

"Dear Lord,

Nobody understands. Some people are afraid of me. I desperately want some one to talk to me! To understand. Why Me? Why choose me? Why let me forget my upbringing language? I can't read,write or speak English. No, I am not afraid... just confused. I am tired of this language. But... I will use it for your glory. I'm gonna raise the dead. I'm gonna cast demons out of people. Open the eye's of the blind. That's all I ask... Thank you,
Me"

When I read these cries that I wrote, I feel sad. Because I knew excatly how it felt and so on. So far I haven't raised the dead, cast demons out, or heal the blind, but I'm gonna do it! No, I am not gonna stop there! Jesus and I are gonna heal everybody of everything! Nothing is gonna come against us!

I know that my name is written the Lamb's Book of Life. I saw it the in Gold Letters. I saw Jesus write my name in His Book. There is a sign for me in gold and silver. Diamonds dance around it. It says "Welcome Home. My Good and Faithful Servant." I have danced with Jesus in the Ballroom. Rubies and Sapphiers danced around us. The gold floor was bright. Angels sang. My dress was extrodinary beautiful. Turquoise, rubies, diamonds, sapphaires and silver decorated my dress. My dark hair was decorated with gold and diamonds. Jesus had a bright gown. It is white. With gold and silver. Rubies and Diamonds. And some kind of green stone. It was a deep green stone. All of the precious stones danced around us as Jesus and I danced. After that Jesus gave me mana and sent me back to earth.

That is all...

Love,
MNJ

I Gave You...

I gave you My heart.

I gave you My love.

I gave you joy

I gave peace.

I gave you contentment.

I gave you food.

I gave you clothing.

I gave you water.

I gave you My Father.

I gave you shelter My child.

I forgave you much more than 70 x 7.

Can you say as much?!

But......

I gave YOU MY LIFE, My child.

What do you give Me, My child?

You spend no time with me.

You do not put forth your best effort.

I blessed you.

I gave you all that you need My child!

You envy others.

You gave me SIN!

MNJ

Note: I felt as if Jesus was talking to me when I finished this poem. I envy others, I don't spend as much time as I should, I don't forgive as Jesus did me. 70 x 7? WOW! Multiply that up. And you will be surprised. I sure was! Jesus blessed us. Let us be thankful for what Jesus had given us!

My Heart

Blood drips from

my mouth.

My sides heave for

air. My ears strain

to hear what is going

on. My heart aches

from the pain.

Oh no! Mother is

here again! My blood

starts to race

through my veins.

My heart is pounding.

"Escape! Run!" My mind shouts

"Bam!" My head hits the

counter. "Whack!" My

body crumples to the

floor. "Wham!"

Mother kicks me again and again.

"Crash!" I feel Mother

throw a plate at me.

Pain sears through me

as it hits me.

Suddenly Sally

starts to cry. I find

my chance to run.

My heart races.

Blood is pouring down

my chin.

My sides heave heavily

for air.

Where oh where can

I go? Where is Dad

when I need him most?

Mother comes back

to finish me off.

My blood runs cold.

I scramble to

my feet and try to

run.

"Get your ### over here

you #######!" she

shouts.

She comes after me.

My legs are getting tired.

Mother is catching up!

Finally I collapse about

2 miles from the House.

Mother comes and slaps

me. She picks me up

and carries me home.

She sets me on a stool.

"You must be very thirsty.

After such a long run that is!"

She fills a cup from the

toilet and pours it down my

throat.

I fall off the stool.

I gasp for air.

Mother laughs and throws me around.

I try to scream

But not a sound was made.

My blood runs cold as Mother

screams in my face.

As Mother screams.

I started to fade

away. I could feel Mother

pick me up and shake me.

My head jerks forward.

My bones throb.

My blood turns colder and colder.

My heart is barely moving.

I fade deeper and deeper

into darkness.

Oh please! I

don't want to die!

Who will protect

Max? Or Sally?

Please oh please!

Help me!

Mother puts me

down and kicks me.

I jerk forward and

fall limp on the floor.

My breathing shallows.

"Goodbye Sally and Max."

My mind says

An Angel comes to take me.

I look sadly at my House.

I see my limp body crumpled

on the floor. Never to suffer again.

So Goodbye.

Goodbye Forever.

MNJ

Note: This poem is dedicated to my brother and sister whom died at age 4 and 1. Children are still dying from abuse. That is why we want YOU to help.