I was so mad, I didn't know why. I felt nothing inside, I was empty. I told my parents that I wanted my bios and my foster care parent to come to me a ask for forgiveness. Then I'd be all right. Mom told me it doesn't work that way. I have to have to forgive them even if they don't come directly to me. So as hard headed as I am I argued my case. Pretty soon mom and I were on the couch fighting. I had a fear of my neck being touched. Let me explain why:
When I was about 5 or 6 I remember being left at home with MJ and TJ. Our parents were out partying; so we were left at home quiet often. Headlights shined through the window. I was sorta hoping it was our bios so I ran to the door. Two guys stood there. I pushed chairs to the door. The guys pushed the door open easily. I didn't understand why. To me those chairs were heavy! But anyhow MJ and TJ took off. I was a little too late... Maybe because my sassy mouth was moving... (we won't mention that okay?)
The guys grabbed me and dragged me to their car. I have been kidnapped before so I tried crawling out of the window. I think those guys knew a little about kidnapping 'cause they rolled the windows up... Around my neck! Struggling, I tried to get away. It only brought more pain and less air. We got to their hiding place, and they started cutting and striking my neck. When it was over they took me home.
Mom and I talked about it then she messed with my neck. I got to where I didn't tremble and try to run off.
We talked more then mom asked if I truly believed if Jesus was real... I answered "No, not really." We prayed then all of a sudden my right leg started shaking. Mom pointed it out and I stared at it then we grinned. Mom asked if I wanted my other leg to start shaking, I shrugged. I mean what else can happen??
Mom prayed and so my legs were shaking and so were my arms!! I was laughing asking mom to make it stop. Well, God didn't like me asking it to stop so He struck me mute!! I was laughing silently. I have such a sweet, loving, kind, sympathetic mother... NOT!! She took out the Bible and read about Zacharias... The priest who was struck mute. He was told that his wife would bear a son named John and Zacharias didn't believe. So God struck him mute. That is in Luke 1:5-60!
Finally, I went to bed about midnight... yes, I was still shaking and mute. Next morning mom, TJ and I were sitting on the porch. Talking. Well I wasn't talking but... you get the point! TJ was falling under the spirit and I started singing... you have to understand I DO NOT sing!! But my song wasn't in English... it was in some strange language.
Mom gathered TJ into her arms and I got up and started praying... aloud! Mom and TJ talked then I panamined that TJ was sad. TJ started crying real hard. I prayed some more, then just worshipped God. Later we went to do chores and mom asked if I thought I was speaking English. I nodded. Mom just looked at me and said "Well I hate to break the news to you, but you ain't speaking English girl!" I laughed then mom suggested that I write down what I'm saying. I obeyed!! But it wasn't English... dunno what language it was but I was writing it! Mom was pulling different languages that look similar to mine. She brought one up in Aramaic I brightened up and nodded enthusiastically. So she put the Passion of Christ on You Tube and put her home page in front of it. So all I could do was guess what it was saying. After mom got the volume adjusted she asked what was going on. I told her in my wonderful panamining I told her that Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane crying, praying, and sweating blood. Asking God to remove the cup from His hand.
The Passion of Christ is done in Aramaic. So during my "wonderful" week I could read a little Hebrew, Aramaic, and Arabic.
God told me that Thursday I would pray for a young, sad, crippled, woman. Well... I saw her Thursday! Excited I drug TJ with me. I walked up to the lady and asked her in my language if I could pray for her. She answered! In my language!! She said "No, no, there is no God." I told her "Yes, there is a God! He'll heal you" I never could convince her. She just walked off. I prayed for her anyways. A couple feet off I noticed that she wasn't limping! YAY! God CAN work miracles!!
Mom told me that I had the symptoms of being depressed. We prayed some more than God told me:
Sadness leads to loneliness. Loneliness leads to depression. Depression leads to unworthiness. Unworthiness leads to rejection. Rejection leads to anger. Anger always leads to Death.
I also have a testimony...
The other day, I got bitten by a Black Widow. On my arm. I noticed a red bump showing up on my arm. I rebuked it and told it to leave in the name of Jesus! That Satan has no control over me, not even through a little spider. It left!! Not a scar! God said through His word in Philippines 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I applied it to my bite. Then I thought "You know, I could have made a big deal about it... If I had I would be in the Hospital!" I praised Him, I mean how could you not? I saw Him heal the young woman in the middle of Wal-Mart; Now I was experiencing my own miracle!!! Once you see Him face to face, once you feel His arms holding you, once you hear His voice, how can you be the same? How can you not want to read His word? How can you not want to pray for other people? How can you not sing and dance for joy? I am totally different. I feel a compassion I have never felt before. I feel a love for the people I thought I hated. I know that I am forever changed now.
In Acts 2:17-21 It says:
17 'In the last days, God says,
"I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams.
your old men will dream dreams.
18 Even on my servants, both men and women,
I will pour out my Spirit in those days,
and they will prophesy.
19 I will show wonders in the heaven above
and signs on the earth below,
blood and fire and billows of smoke.
WOW! Think a moment about that... Your sons and daughters shall prophesy... Lately we've had some pretty strange things going on. Some of our young friends 14-20 went to Brazil this year! They came back totally different. I wanted what they had. They seemed so happy. Well, I got it! Only I didn't go to Brazil nor did I have the same experience they had. Acts seems to talk a great deal about it... the miracles, when Jesus comes back. EVERYTHING!!! I am really excited to find out what God is doing right now. But at the same time I am not worried.
I learned three words that are NOT in God's vocabulary
Hate
Impossible
Try
But those three mean something. They are an excuse. A reason to not love and to not study and follow Him! If you really think about it they really mean that! I am learning slowly to not care what other people think of me. I have taken up dancing, singing, and praying in the middle of Wal-mart or any other place I go to. Why? Because I feel a joy in my heart. Strong joy. I feel a love for the people. A deep love. I pray for them. I have forgave my bios, my foster mom, and everyone that had forsaken and hurt me. No, it was not easy. But do you think that it was easy for Jesus to hang on the cross? Was it easy for Jesus to forgive ALL of us? We all sin. Jesus was the only person who never sinned. The only. He was unique and different.
1. He never sinned. (I am sure that means arguing, rebellion etc.)
2. He was part man and part God.
3. He healed people. I am sure that some people thought "Man, get a life! You aren't that special!"
4. He was hated. So totally hated!
I struggled for 5 years in disbelief. I did not really believe He was real. I was too soaked up in my power and anger. My demons. My past. I had a LOT of generational curses. Addiction, rebellion, hatred, anger, abuse, and lust. Those are a lot of generational curses. You don't have to believe that there is a such thing as generational curses, but... THEY ARE VERY REAL!!!!! So are demons and angels. So is Hell and Heaven. So is Satan and God. They are all real. But I have one question... If you were to die right now, where would you go? How strong is your belief? How many people have you led to Christ? Is your relationship with Him strong? Like a knot tied in a piece of thread? TIGHT??? Ask God and He'll answer you. I don't want to know, what I'm doing is getting you to realize how strong your relationship is with God. I know that is 5 questions but they all lead to the first one.
I feel so happy when I pray for someone. Because I KNOW that My God answers prayers. Not always right away, but He will sometime. Here's a some things that God told me to tell you.
1. Be loyal. (To your parents, your spouse, your friends, God, etc.)
2. Have a child-like faith. (When He speaks to you, have you heart open and receive like a child will do.)
3. Have no doubt. (OUCH!! I struggle with that a lot! Don't have any doubt. He'll answer you if you'd only ask!!)
4. Be angry and do not sin. (When your angry don't take it out on others. If you do your only adding fuel to a fire. It makes Satan go "YES!! I won you! Your mine!" And you'll get angrier and angrier.)
5. Trust. (Trust in God with all your heart, soul, and mind.)
6. Show that demon he has no power over you!!! (Don't listen to disobedience, anger, etc.)
7. What God are you worshipping? (There is only 1 God! Music, TV, computers, sex, drugs, etc. are NOT gods. They should not rule your life!!! Let the 1 and only God rule!)
8. Do not let lust take control. (It may feel nice to think about sex, drugs, etc. but the only thing it gets you is one more step closer to HELL!!!!)
9. Don't take my advice before you take it to God. (He knows what's best. I don't. I am only Jesus's tool.)
God can do all things! Nothing is bigger than God. The Bible is pretty muchly full of miracles! Think about it. Moses doing all of his plagues. Why? So Pharaoh would let God's people go. They had been slaves to the Egyptians for approximately 400 hundred years! I feel sorry for the mother's who lost their babies, because Pharaoh thought they were too many. Imagine the agony those mother's felt watching their precious babies being thrown unmercifully into the Nile River. Imagine the pain and suffering the Hebrews felt when they were nothing but worthless slaves. They made bricks, and gathered their own straw. Imagine the pure joy they felt when they were freed. Imagine the confusion the Egyptians felt when all those plagues hit them but not the Hebrews. I sometimes think "You know it would have been easier if Pharaoh would have just let the Hebrews go!" But then I think "But, wouldn't it be easier if I would tell the truth, or obey all the time?" So I can't condemn Pharaoh. Because I have been a uh-huh for a long time too. (maybe longer!)
How many of you have let your mouth run over? Raise your hand! ME!!!!!!! I let my tongue overload quiet often! Here is 2 chapters in James that I am saying ouch! Ouch! Ouch!!! Here they are!
OKAY!!!??? Now that is... WOW!! Who are you to judge your neighbor? How many of us have judged our neighbor? MEEE!!!!! But your neighbor is not just the people who live next door to you, it means EVERYONE!!! Think about THAT one!
Submit yourself to God, and Resist the devil and he will flee from you! It does not say Resist the devil and he might flee from you. It says Submit yourself to God, and Resist the devil and he will flee from you! Submit!!!! Give!!!! Release yourself!!! Let God be in control!!! Not you!!! He deserves you. He wants you. He loves you. You can let God or Satan be in control. If you obey God, You will have a long life full of joy and purity. With Satan as your king you will have a angry, sad, unholy life. You will feel dirty. Nasty. Depressed. Remember what I told you earlier?
It is soooo true! Your lust, anger, hatred, disobedience, rebellion, unloyalness, will give you a free ride to Hell in a hand-basket. Unless you confess ALL of your sins. Here's a website it has the Bible in categories. Visit : http://www.bibletopics.com/ It has topics like sex, death, sin, anger, arguing, etc.
That's it! May God bless you in amazing ways!
MNJ (a former abused child)
20 The sun will be turned to darkness
and the moon to blood
before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord.
21 And everyone who calls
on the name of the Lord will be saved.'
I learned three words that are NOT in God's vocabulary
Hate
Impossible
Try
But those three mean something. They are an excuse. A reason to not love and to not study and follow Him! If you really think about it they really mean that! I am learning slowly to not care what other people think of me. I have taken up dancing, singing, and praying in the middle of Wal-mart or any other place I go to. Why? Because I feel a joy in my heart. Strong joy. I feel a love for the people. A deep love. I pray for them. I have forgave my bios, my foster mom, and everyone that had forsaken and hurt me. No, it was not easy. But do you think that it was easy for Jesus to hang on the cross? Was it easy for Jesus to forgive ALL of us? We all sin. Jesus was the only person who never sinned. The only. He was unique and different.
1. He never sinned. (I am sure that means arguing, rebellion etc.)
2. He was part man and part God.
3. He healed people. I am sure that some people thought "Man, get a life! You aren't that special!"
4. He was hated. So totally hated!
I struggled for 5 years in disbelief. I did not really believe He was real. I was too soaked up in my power and anger. My demons. My past. I had a LOT of generational curses. Addiction, rebellion, hatred, anger, abuse, and lust. Those are a lot of generational curses. You don't have to believe that there is a such thing as generational curses, but... THEY ARE VERY REAL!!!!! So are demons and angels. So is Hell and Heaven. So is Satan and God. They are all real. But I have one question... If you were to die right now, where would you go? How strong is your belief? How many people have you led to Christ? Is your relationship with Him strong? Like a knot tied in a piece of thread? TIGHT??? Ask God and He'll answer you. I don't want to know, what I'm doing is getting you to realize how strong your relationship is with God. I know that is 5 questions but they all lead to the first one.
I feel so happy when I pray for someone. Because I KNOW that My God answers prayers. Not always right away, but He will sometime. Here's a some things that God told me to tell you.
1. Be loyal. (To your parents, your spouse, your friends, God, etc.)
2. Have a child-like faith. (When He speaks to you, have you heart open and receive like a child will do.)
3. Have no doubt. (OUCH!! I struggle with that a lot! Don't have any doubt. He'll answer you if you'd only ask!!)
4. Be angry and do not sin. (When your angry don't take it out on others. If you do your only adding fuel to a fire. It makes Satan go "YES!! I won you! Your mine!" And you'll get angrier and angrier.)
5. Trust. (Trust in God with all your heart, soul, and mind.)
6. Show that demon he has no power over you!!! (Don't listen to disobedience, anger, etc.)
7. What God are you worshipping? (There is only 1 God! Music, TV, computers, sex, drugs, etc. are NOT gods. They should not rule your life!!! Let the 1 and only God rule!)
8. Do not let lust take control. (It may feel nice to think about sex, drugs, etc. but the only thing it gets you is one more step closer to HELL!!!!)
9. Don't take my advice before you take it to God. (He knows what's best. I don't. I am only Jesus's tool.)
God can do all things! Nothing is bigger than God. The Bible is pretty muchly full of miracles! Think about it. Moses doing all of his plagues. Why? So Pharaoh would let God's people go. They had been slaves to the Egyptians for approximately 400 hundred years! I feel sorry for the mother's who lost their babies, because Pharaoh thought they were too many. Imagine the agony those mother's felt watching their precious babies being thrown unmercifully into the Nile River. Imagine the pain and suffering the Hebrews felt when they were nothing but worthless slaves. They made bricks, and gathered their own straw. Imagine the pure joy they felt when they were freed. Imagine the confusion the Egyptians felt when all those plagues hit them but not the Hebrews. I sometimes think "You know it would have been easier if Pharaoh would have just let the Hebrews go!" But then I think "But, wouldn't it be easier if I would tell the truth, or obey all the time?" So I can't condemn Pharaoh. Because I have been a uh-huh for a long time too. (maybe longer!)
How many of you have let your mouth run over? Raise your hand! ME!!!!!!! I let my tongue overload quiet often! Here is 2 chapters in James that I am saying ouch! Ouch! Ouch!!! Here they are!
James 3
Taming the Tongue
1 Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2 We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.
3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
7All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
Two Kinds of Wisdom
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.
Think about that Chapter before you move on to the next Chapter. How many of you have let your tongue become a deadly fire? I think everyone has. Some more often then others. But we have all sinned. Thank Jesus for taking a hard task so that we can be saved!
James 4
Submit Yourselves to God
1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
4 You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. 5 Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
11 Brothers, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. 12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?
Boasting About Tomorrow
13 Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16 As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17 Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."
OKAY!!!??? Now that is... WOW!! Who are you to judge your neighbor? How many of us have judged our neighbor? MEEE!!!!! But your neighbor is not just the people who live next door to you, it means EVERYONE!!! Think about THAT one!
Submit yourself to God, and Resist the devil and he will flee from you! It does not say Resist the devil and he might flee from you. It says Submit yourself to God, and Resist the devil and he will flee from you! Submit!!!! Give!!!! Release yourself!!! Let God be in control!!! Not you!!! He deserves you. He wants you. He loves you. You can let God or Satan be in control. If you obey God, You will have a long life full of joy and purity. With Satan as your king you will have a angry, sad, unholy life. You will feel dirty. Nasty. Depressed. Remember what I told you earlier?
Sadness leads to loneliness. Loneliness leads to depression. Depression leads to unworthiness. Unworthiness leads to rejection. Rejection leads to anger. Anger always leads to Death.
It is soooo true! Your lust, anger, hatred, disobedience, rebellion, unloyalness, will give you a free ride to Hell in a hand-basket. Unless you confess ALL of your sins. Here's a website it has the Bible in categories. Visit : http://www.bibletopics.com/ It has topics like sex, death, sin, anger, arguing, etc.
That's it! May God bless you in amazing ways!
MNJ (a former abused child)
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