New Post...(can't come up with a better name!)

Okay! A new day, new hour, new post, and a new friend! What more can a girl ask for? Hmmmmm..... Wisdom? Stronger faith? Being undoubtful???? Those too.....


Forgive me for saying this but, I don't have the craziest idea to post about! I just feel that I should post... Guess you may join in my mindless conversation.... :)

 It is Tuesday. 3:14 p.m to be exact. My new friend is 'Tunia. She is my cousin/sister, TOTALLY related to me... hmmm... You may be wondering "So what SPECIES is your cousin/sister?" You have to guess.

My new friend (cousin/sister) is (a): _______________.

(a) a donkey.
(b) a sheep.
(c) a mule.
(d) a human.
(e) a goat.

Did you guess? If not oh well! Comment, and confess your answer... who knows! You may be a winner! (KK, I am sorry, but you KNOW the answer. So let's wait...okay?) ;)

I have no new visions, dreams or such. Whenever I figure out how to tell my "life" story I will. But, first I gotta come up with a name besides "My Life" or other names... Feel free to toss out some titles! I would greatly appreciate it!

What else can I blog about? Keep me in prayer please. I am struggling right now.

Oh! I read a A-W-E-S-O-M-E quote!! Wanna hear/read it?? Okay just a sec. Gotta go get it!

"Remember three things save yourself lots of unneeded heartache:
1# You're not God
2# This ain't heaven
3# Don't act like a jerk."
~Rev. James Martin, author of "The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything: A Spirituality for Real Life."

Here's another:

"When in times of crisis, you have two options- running from God or turning to God."
~Bryan Bedford.

I am one of those people, that I tend to run from God. I am definitely NOT   that faithful. I am a very sinful girl.

I am done... sorry that my posts are getting shorter nowadays!

Luv,
Me

(Mother says that this post sounds like an average 13 yo. girl's post...hmmm wonder why?) :)

Suicide, Dreams, and Visions.

Oh, what am I going to preach uh, talk about? Hmmmm.... I guess we'll find out!


    What is the deal about suicide? Has it increased? Or am I just starting to notice it some more? Maybe, it is some of both. A Lot of young men and women attempt suicide. Sadly, some of them succeed. One of the questions I continually ask myself; "Why commit suicide, and die, when you could be alive and run, play, sing, laugh... live! But, this is coming from a very minor suicidal girl. I was one of those people who had this mindset: "I want to die, but then... I don't." When I was suicidal, I was a chicken! I only did the things like: choking, drowning, starving,(that never really happened!) bulimia, (Maybe that one doesn't count... 'cause I never could get it to work. I only gagged.) and holding my breath. I never tried shooting, hanging, or cutting. Cutting? Sounded kinda painful. Hanging and (or) shooting? What if it worked?

Okay.... Let's migrate to Dreams and visions...
(If you want too. If not... then I guess that's your problem!)

I am a dreamer. Or a seer. (it sounds more grown-up-like.)
Yes, I am a seer. I think you know that... right? Anyways, I had a vision yesterday. Kinda interesting...
Wanna read it? Thought so.

I prayed and cried out to God, (I have been struggling with quiet a few things lately.) I think I cried a little too hard, 'cause I fell asleep. Well, as I laid under a tree in our back pasture, I dreamed. There was a long, winding road. A large castle-like building stretched out as far as I could see. (Probably, heaven.) Anyhow, I began to see people. (The people are us... of course!) People and animals walking together. Then, the animals attacked certain people. Not all of them, but some. They kinda singled them out. (The animals were angels.) The other people, (who were not attacked) kept on walking. They didn't even turn they're heads to the sound of people screaming! The animals turned, followed and soon they were all in these huge, outstanding, beautiful gates. Seven creatures stood on top of a balcony, blowing trumpets. The trumpets, however made a strange, but beautiful sound. (The seven creatures stood for seven of God's names like Abba, Jehovah, etc. The people whom were attacked were dragged off the road by reptileish, ugly, demonic creatures. (demons).

Before I close, I want you to hear a song, "Invisible" by Disciple. YouTube probably has it. But, of course, YouTube has alot of things! I LOVE  that song!

Well, This extremely short post is over!

Thanks!
Me

Alive... (and a little more about depression)

This little poem is about Depression, Hopelessness...etc.

The short story behind it was:
Earlier today, (like a couple of minutes ago.) I was sitting on the couch. Then I felt this fire racing through me. I have felt it before but then I heard... words. It was like a song playing in my head. I ran and grabbed a pencil and paper, sat down and expected to write... I DID WRITE. But I didn't control my hand. It was moving by itself. Awkward as it seems, I love it when that happens... Okay here is the poem:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alive

I'm alive...

but I'm not.

My heart is torn,

split into a million pieces.

Hard to fix this mess,

on my own.

I am crying out,

Can you hear it?

Lost, I am walking,

Is there such a feeling as "Happy"?

Down this road I walk,

darkness surrounds me.

Can you hear my

desperate cries?

I'm alive,

but I'm not.

Is there more to life

than breathing?

If so, Please show

me how to live...

I am broken inside...

A pain so intense.

Afraid to cry, because I

know, it won't be a single tear.

Can anyone hear me?

Can't anyone see my pain?

Listen while I cry?

Is there anyone I can trust?

Snared by depression,

Can I be set free?

Will you watch me soar up yonder?

Or, will you turn your back?

I understand,

I am not worthy...

This pain...

Agony grips me...

Depression strangles me...

Hate weighs me down...

Fear makes me stumble...

Hopelessness slaughters me...

Again and again.

Save me please...

I'm alive...

but, I'm not.

Is there any hope,

at all?

Can I close my eyes,

and hope that everything will be okay?

Bring meaning into my life,

so I don't end it...

So soon.

Break this chain.

Set me Free.

Is there more to life than

breathing?

Show me...

Please?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MNJ

For those who are depressed and don't believe anyone understands... I want to say I do. I have walked down that road. Yes, it is dark and lonely. Suicide isn't a way out. If you are depressed (or hurting deeply in other ways.) You CAN overcome it. Depression ISN'T a dead end... it is a beginning. It helps you build your faith. Knowing that you didn't overcome by yourself. I was a VERY depressed young girl... I have proof that I overcame it. I am more than willing to help/pray for ANYONE who is struggling right now. I don't pray to make me sound good. I pray to show others that God IS REAL!! And whatever you are going through right now, isn't a dead end. It doesn't mean that "Hey dude, your life is hopeless. The only way is to kill yourself.." Please, don't listen to that. Depression can either kill you or help you. It is all on your attitude about it and which god you listen to.

I guess I am done...

Thanks so much for reading!

MNJ

P.S

I do want to help in anyway I can! I want to make Satan so angry with me!

Painful Memories...

Okay, I'll admit it! Sometimes my mom is right! I love her...(somedays) but shhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Don't tell her!!! hahaha! Sometimes I think she is so not fair! We have actually fought on the couch. Like I bit, pulled her hair, pinched and kicked her.... I never understood why she never quit fighting. In my mind I was stupid, worthless, unknown! I was hated. I was a RAD child. (Reactive Attachment Disorder) I never learned how to love... until now...

In case she is reading this, I'll say some nice sweet things about her... just so I won't get lectured!!! teehee! My mother does NOT know the words NO! and normal. You tell her no she can't do it then she's going to do it! You ask why can't she act like your normal "Well, Honey, Don't you look darling" mothers, she'll ask why does she need to be a setting on a dryer!!! Have you ever heard a little kid say "Your not my boss, mommy is!" Hahaha! That explains my mama!!!!

Okay! I'll get serious!!! We all have hard times right? Read this poem: (It is an old poem.)

Broken

I am torn into

pieces.

Broken inside...

My eagerness dies...

My happiness disappears...

Dread fills my heart...

Fear is here...

I look at what is left

of me...

Nothing...

In reality I am as burden

to my family...

Here I am...

Torn into pieces...

I know they were right...

I am a mistake...

Tonight, you won't see the

tears I cry...

I've told you everything...

I even opened up my heart...

I let you in...

Now what's left of me... is who

I pretend to be...

I am broken inside...

My life is slipping by...

I am only 13! I can't die yet!

I am barely holding on...

I am an outcast...

A burden...

Once again...

I am broken inside...

MNJ

Kinda sad huh? It hurts to be hurting. Sometimes it hurts to cry or even talk about what's wrong. You have had a thorn or a sticker in your foot or hands right? It hurts really bad... It hurts to pull it out and even is a tad sore later. Your painful memories stick to you like a thorn in your heart. It isn't gonna come out until you decide your gonna pull it out. It hurts! I know! Let God hold your hand while you pull it out.

Will you do me a favor? I want you to look up this song(z)

"Who Am I?" (Casting Crowns)

"Alive" (Toby Mac)

"New York to L.A" (Pressplay)

I know this is an awfully short post, but I pray you learned something!!! Don't forget to look them song or songs or songzzzzz up! Thanks,

MNJ

"Whoever said life was dull as obviously never met God" - MNJ

Mama's Hands

I saw you hide your hands

in line, Behind that pretty lady,

I noticed too,

hers were soft and white-

immaculate from care.

But Ma, I say, it's no disgrace

to have workin' hands like you,

and had she lived the life you have,

she'd have hands just like it too!

But her hands have never
hauled in wood, or worked
in God's good earth.

They've never felt the bitter
cold, or chopped ice for
waitin'' stock.

They've never doctored sick
ones, or dressed a poor goat's hoof.

They've never pulled a hip-locked
calf, or carried feed into the barn.

They've probably never patched blue jeans,
Or had worn ol' shirts to iron.

They've never touched a young'n,
Or caressed a fevered head.

With hands so gently laid on
him, prayin'.

They've never scrubbed a milker,
Or washed a milk cow's udder.

They've never guided with those hands,
a child who's lost the way.

They've never cooked for us hungry hordes,
Or washed dishes day by day.

They've never peeled peaches,
Nor have they canned.

They've never worn a blister,
Or had calluses to show.

For all they've done for others,
and the kindness I know.

So you see, my dearest Mama-

Yours are hands of Love,
And I bet God will notice when
He greets you from Above.

-MNJ


 

Have You Ever...?

To Some,

 This poem

Is meaningless.

To others,

It hits a nerve

And tears fall.

Have you ever,

looked around

and  wondered if

the people around you

are like robots?

Have you ever,

Thought that your

life is a endless

dream?

Have you ever,

Wondered if God was

really  Real?

Have you ever,

been so overwhelmed with grief

You cry until you can't breathe?

Have you ever,

felt like you are the only one

who is lost in this big World?

Have you ever,

Cried out "Why me?"

And no one replied?

As anger, resentment, grief and regret

consumes you...

The world is stuck on go.

It zooms past,

leaving you in the dust.

Have you ever?

Have you ever,

trusted someone so much,

that they turn and walk away?

During our teenage years,

Satan has control.

Let us take a stand,

And put Satan

where he belongs.

Not in our hearts,

But in Hell.

Let's stand and laugh.

In his ugly face!

Ha! Ha!

Have you ever?

Have you ever,

ran until you couldn't

take another step?

Have you ever,

felt unloved

when you have someone

standing with His arms open

wide?

Have you ever...,

Felt that no one understands

how you feel?

I understand...

So does Jesus.

Have you ever...?

MNJ

Give this to a teenager! Please!

Newsletter: Regret... One of the greatest Killers...

Regret is a killer. Did you know that? It may seem silly but really, if you think about it Regret is killing people. Yeah, We slip and fall down... Sometimes we get hurt... But, you gotta choice. Do you know? You can either suck it up. Get over it. And follow God. Or you can sit there in the mud and wish that every one would feel as bad as you do. Face it, Yep you did something sooo bad. Get up and try again!!!! Don't let drag you down! You know... how dog poop smells awful, looks awful etc.?  When you sit there feeling miserable, your regret is rubbing dog poop in your face! And you just sit there allowing him! Turn them tables and rub his face in it! Meaning: Suck it up and get over it!!!!!!

Okay, Let me explain what I said earlier... Regret... one of the greatest killers. Think about it a moment before I go on. What do you think it means?

You sin. You mess up sooo bad. You wonder if anyone loves you now. I mean, "C'mon! I just messed up! Who can forget that!? Who can love me now? I am awful! Such a bad person! Everybody hates me! Nobody cares! I wish I was dead! Dead! DEAD!!!!"

How stupid can them Demons get???? Purty dumb! And guess what we listen!

You sin. You mess up sooo bad. You wonder if anyone loves you now. I mean, "C'mon! I just messed up! Who can forget that!? Who can love me now? I am awful! Such a bad person! Everybody hates me! Nobody cares! I wish I was dead! Dead! DEAD!!!!"
Do you know how Suicide came about? REGRET!!!!!!! Regret whispers those words to you. Reread those words above. Whenever, you mess up do you think that?

I'm a chicken! Really, I am. I am a scaredy-cat! I have thought that like, all my life?! I have tried to commit suicide. But really, I would get all terrified. I have tried suffocating, choking. I was to scared to shoot or hang myself. (besides I can't shoot!) Or drowning. I am a chicken!!!! I have tried starving. Didn't work. Cutting? Sheesh! Sound's painful. Boy, am I glad I chickened out! Otherwise, I would have never been able to help other teens or even adults! I am proud to say: "Yep, I was abused. Physically and spiritually. People have tried to murder me. Ha! They lost! Yep, my bio mother and father didn't "love" me. My mother never took classes to get me back! My father just signed the paper, giving up his parental rights! Big Deal! I am free! Free!!!!"

I refuse to believe that my bio mother and father didn't love me. I believe they loved me the best they could. My mother was only 15. My dad was only 16! Teenagers! They shouldn't have been parents that early! Hey, my mom could have aborted me! She could have. But she didn't. If I see her again. I want to say "Thanks, Thanks for EVERYTHING!!! You gave me life! Thank you so much!"

Life is so important. Why let Regret take it away? Please, Please, Please!!! Tell our Teenagers about this! Let them read this! This is written by a 13 year old teen for teens! This is my viewpoint! The way I look at things. I want them to see that God isn't for old people. If it is, count me old! I am gonna die prayin' and healing someone. Once I am dead that person will be totally healed and filled with God that he/she will be doin' the same thing! Yay!!! But that will be about 108 years from now. I am sayin' I will be a good 120 'fore I die!

Before I close, I wanna share something(z)! Just a "few". Don't roll your eyes at me!!! Hold your horses!!!

I was talking to God and milking the cow, And God told me this "Whoever said life was dull, has obviously never met Me." hahahahaha!!! It is soooooooooooooo true!


Another story,

Okay, Mom, SIL's brother, and I were praying for TJ, My little sister. We were castin' demon's out. (It wasn't as crazy as mine, but we'll get there soon.) What a lot of fun! If you want to know fun is... Cast demons out! There is nothing as fun as that! Anyhow, TJ had a demon of Rejection. And God told me something. Here it goes!

You have this awesome CD. You so want to listen to it! You stick it into your CD player and press play...but, your CD player is messed up so it scratches your CD and it just won't play! Your really bummed out. I mean, Seriously! You just bought this awesome CD, and then your CD play just ruins it!

You're the CD. People who have rejected you are the CD players. God puts you in there so He can listen to your awesome music. (God loves music! Rather it is Rock, Rap, Country, Dance, or just slow rhythmic music. As long as it is praising Him. He loves it!) Anyways, You are awesome. Totally Awesome!
 I can't be you and you can't be me so that is why your so awesome! We are totally different CDs. You maybe Rock and I am Rap or Pop. (same thing right? Rap and pop?)  Those people scratched and rejected you. It hurts huh?

So God's really bummed. He made you, now He wanted to listen to you but those people He stuck you with, tore you up. So God brings another person into your life. That person brings you to Him. You are saved! So you start to play your music. God listens and knows that He can't make a better you! You're His favorite CD. Some bad can turn into really good.

Witchcraft, has been apart of TJ's, MJ's (my big brother) and I's life. When I was little, My mother and Father (bio.) took the three of us to a wedding. Freaky one to say the least. I am gonna fast forward it, just because I don't feel like telling the whole story. he he! TJ was a little baby at that time, This guy walks up to her and touches her right side. Said something and walked away. Ever since, she had pains in that side at night. We cast that Demon out and it is gone! Yay! Yay! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you bored?  I have two songs to look up...

"Outcast" by kerri Roberts

"Dear Rex," by Disciple.

Youtube may have them. I don't know. I really like them.

Well,  I am done,
Me

P.S Print this out and give them to as many teens, adults or preteens as you can! Please!!!!!!!! I am begging! Give this to them and say "God loves you and so does this young teen." Because I do love them! Please!!!!!!
Thanks. Oh and don't forget to comment! I barely have ANY comments. I don't care if you tell me the ABC's! or 123! Just something! Anything! Thanks!!!